“Dinner Parties: Really?” [ADVICE]

by robinhardwick

Originally posted at: http://pouringlemonjuiceonapapercut.tumblr.com/post/52979700935/dinner-parties-really

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Can you give some advice about appropriate dinner party behavior? My friends seem to have them a lot, and although they are not as formal as say, Victorian times, I feel like there is still a certain expected way to act.

Ah, the dinner party. Nothing says “I’m intellectual yet still fun” and “I’m approaching my late twenties I need to feel grown up” than the modern dinner party. It’s a chance for the host to show off that s/he has watched a lot of The Food Network and suddenly knows what a reduction is.

If someone has made it clear that they are specifically preparing dinner, it’s a dinner party whether they specify it or not. Unless, of course, it is a potluck, which, don’t even get me started. Here are some musts, you as a guest should follow:

You have to fucking eat the dinner. Yes, take a taste of everything. No diets, no fucking gluten allergies, no “not in the mood”. This person put in the time to make the food, not eating it when you are there, it’s a dick move. If you are doing Atkins, doing a juice cleanse or whatever Gwyneth Paltrow is doing these days, decline the invitation. Period. I don’t mean scarf everything down like the food is a stand-in for your feelings of failing at life, but generally partake in everything, at least half or so of it. What a big fuck you to someone for wasting the food they prepared for you.

Then again, a host should have the forethought to ask the guests about allergies, etc. However, this is not a time to put in a fucking order like you are at the drive-in window of Wendy’s. It’s his/her dinner party they call the shots on the menu. Unless you throat will close up and you will literally die if you eat a certain food, don’t mention it. Case in point: a friend decided to make a big dinner for some out of town guests and asked them about food allergies, etc., and they said “no gluten.” She struggled to make a main dish that would work for gluten-frees and glutenites alike, with some bread to start for those who can eat it and some veggies (oh excuse me, I mean crudites). The so-called gluten-free’ers chowed down on the bread, explaining that they mostly like to avoid gluten. These people are people I don’t care for, surprise, surprise.

As mentioned above, if dinner and eating choices are really going to be an issue for you, either save all your weight watchers bonus happiness points or whatever they are called for this particular dinner, or politely decline and suggest something else to do.

Hey, I’ll bet you thought I wouldn’t tell someone to give a crap about or give in to someone’s dinner party shenanigans, but I’m all about not wasting someone’s time. I don’t want someone to intentionally spend a lot of time on a dinner I won’t eat. I’m cranky, I’m not heartless.

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