I Don’t Know How to Deal With Good News.

by robinhardwick

The big news this week is that my book was mentioned on a reading list on Jezebel. Jezebel, if you don’t know, is a part of the Gawker media sites, and is a women’s news/opinion/entertainment site with a feminist perspective.  My dream job is to write for Gawker media. The fucking incredible Lindy West writes for Jezebel, and my book was endorsed by the site .

A book I spent several years writing based on a blog that I self published with no professional writing experience. I have sold a couple of thousand (digital) copies. This was a huge boost to my ego and a huge validation. It made me happy this week, and especially happy about people being happy for me.  In fact, I suppose there may also be some jealousy towards me for this.

It’s a few days since it happened and what is different? I am still doubting myself as a writer. I don’t have any major writing offers. My book sales have increased, but not a crazy amount. I don’t suddenly love myself. I haven’t gained more confidence socially. Are these things supposed to happen? Even if they did, would this make me suddenly happy? And should they? This is not the end, and I hope to have more of these victories, but I wonder when I will find the ONE that fulfills the ego.

Please don’t misunderstand: I AM SO GRATEFUL.  I just want to ride this feeling for a while until it takes me to my next milestone.