If You Are Gonna Make A Show About Gigolos, At Least Make Them Good At Their Jobs

by robinhardwick

It’s no secret that I am a regular viewer of the Showtime “reality” show Gigolos, which amazingly will be starting its sixth season. THat’s amazing because I rarely have seen any major promotion for it. The most mentions it gets is on The Soup, and that’s just to laugh at ridiculous clips from it.  It’s the kind of show where the people who will like it will inevitbly find it. Like me.

The five “premier” working gigolos of the Cowboys 4 Angels Escort agency are followed as they go on their “dates”, hang out with each other in producer-organized situations, and live their lives while being a gigolo. Which mostly includes working out, producing their own line of dildos, tanning, or thinking about adopting dogs.

But, mostly, the viewer follows the men as they have dates with clients. [Does it need to be said that these are not real clients that hire them; they are all actresses paid to have sex with these men for a show? No? Okay, good.] And here’s where the show baffles me.

They are fucking terrible at being gigolos.

For a show about gigolos, at least get people at the top of their game. Almost every time we see them first meet a woman, they make small talk to get to know them. VIn Armani, inarguably the most affable of the group, is pretty good at it. but the others rarely have something to say, and are often prone to nervous laughs or silences. (Or, with Ash Armond, it’s some condescending speech about Eastern medicine or relaxing your aura).

Th show is all bravado about how these men have “seen it all”, they are masters of seduction, and they have been with hundreds of women. So why, when a client suggests something like they like being tied up, does it send them into a tailspin of giggles and befuddlement? As far as sexual practices go, that’s pretty vanilla these days. They act like they’ve never done it before and have the woman have to explain it to them. In an early season, Jimmy flipped out because he was asked to wear a cock ring. Similar with role play, they reluctantly put on whatever costume they are given and act all weirded out by it, but still do it reluctantly. [Save for Vin, who gladly put on a comic superhero costume and really committed.]

And then, of course, there’s the actual sex. These men have sex for a living. So why does each encounter include these men jackhammering a woman from behind? I am pretty sure that these women are pretend-paying these men for some satisfying, pleasing experiences, since they can get what these gigolos are getting from their husbands of twenty years.

I know the show i staged, and there is some sort of lazy mentality that is supposed to convince me that these women who hire these men are “empowered” or some other faux-feminism, but the LEAST you could do is show men who are actually competent at their profession. And, for that fact, somewhat interesting people.

Yes, I will continue to watch it as long as it is on.