West Coast Woody Allen
I’m digging through all my sketch drafts and ideas, and I found this. I don’t even remember writing it. Nevertheless, I’m quite proud, even though it is only a few lines. And, alas, we never get to hear from the mysterious Carl.
SCENE: a modern, minimalist apartment. JANINE is in an impossible, awkward yoga pose on the floor. CARL is ferociously scanning through articles on an iPad.
ALFRED [walks through door, annoyed and sort of breathless] I’m so sorry. When I bought these byalis and lox, it was breakfast time, and now it’s almost 11. The only thing these are good for are high tea with Her Majesty.
JANINE: [still in weird yoga pose] Don’t worry about it, Alfred. It’s not a big deal.
ALFRED: Not a big deal? I had cut over from the 580 to the 101 and I thought I’d never make it. Now I understand why Moses and his crew were wandering the desert for 40 years. They took California highways!