I Don’t Know What Anything Is Anymore, Or: Avril Lavigne’s New Video

by robinhardwick

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An imagined pitch by Avril’s manager to her about this video.

Hey Avril. So, okay. You’re too old to do the Skater Boi thing now, I mean, come on, you’re married. For the second time! What? I didn’t mean anything by that, I swear. And we did the pink skull and crossbones thing, which got you a clothing line at Kohl’s. But, Avril, baby, this is a changing world. A global world.  That’s why we’ve got to think bigger! More exotic! So I thought, hey, I remembered this hot Japanese exchange student in my high school. I thought she was cool.

Avril, you still with me baby? Ok. So what do you think of when you think of Japan? Okay I’ll start. Hello Kitty. Sushi. Giggling. Candy. Silent, obedient women. Anything cute. Cute animals. Cute cupcakes. Cute anything. And things that sound like video games! Yes, that’s it! I’ll get everything set up. I’ll hire some Japanese girls to stand in the background for effect. This is gonna be great.

Wait…what? Huh? What’s cultural appropriation? Oh Avril, is Chad Kroeger teaching you all these big important words? Just look cute and wear these neon glasses and pretend to play this guitar.

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