I may have found something that does fit my anti-“failure is good for you” quest. The Antidote, by Oliver Burkeman, does a good job of taking down the rhetoric of the “positive thinking” self-help movement. (I’ve only read the first third so far). There’s lots of refreshing information, based on everything from Buddhism to Stoicism, of how we are fooling ourselves as people.
I don’t expect it to ultimately give THE answer, since, in reality it is just another self-help book in itself. But we’ll see.